Friday night, we took the kids and the dogs for a walk on a trail near our house. It’s a nice paved trail that is frequented by cyclists, roller bladers, and walkers. In the evening, however, traffic dies down a bit and it’s perfect for families. We go about a mile up and then turn around and walk back.

As we were walking back, N started tuckering out. He doesn’t walk the whole time, of course, but he still gets tired. In this case, he didn’t want me to carry him. Instead, he wanted to walk really slowly. I mean really slowly. We fell behind the group, way behind.

We were doing our best to catch up, with me herding him along with encouraging comments like “ready, set, go!” and “let’s run! run! RUN!”, when he looked back and said “walking”

I glanced back, and, sure enough, there was a woman walking fast enough to catch up to us. I said “yes, she is.”

He responded with “Big Girl. Big Girl Walking.”

Uh-oh. There are few things worse than having your toddler call someone a “big girl”.

“No, she’s just walking. She’s walking.”

I tried to push him a long, but he held on to my knees, watching the girl and bobbing his head up and down slightly.

“Shirt.”

Huh?

“Shirt walking.”

At this point, I should let you know that the girl was not so much fat as she was well-endowed. She was also wearing a shirt that was a size or two too small and, ahh…not very supportive, if you know what I mean.

When I looked down at N, I saw that his eyes were glued to her shirt, and his head was bobbing up and down in time with the shirt. I put my hand on his head.

“She’s walking.”

“Shirt! Shirt Walking! Big Shirt! Big Shirt Walking!”

“Shhh… She’s walking.”

At this point, she caught up to us. I smiled my most innocent smile. “Hello!”

She waved back and said hi. N said “Shirt! Shirt Walking!”

I nodded agreeably. “Yes, She’s walking. She is. Walking.”

“No, Shirt!”

“Yes, she. She’s a girl and she’s walking. Let’s catch up to momma. Let’s go find momma.”

Thankfully, my deception worked.  She never heard what N was saying. In fact, when she passed the others, she commented to J on what a cute son she had.

Phew.