One of the challenges of being home alone with a 2 year old and 4 year old is when one (or both) have to use the bathroom. A few weeks back I was in exactly that awkward situation. N was sitting on the potty and C was playing with his trains. N was listening to me read (again), when he suddenly looked down. “Daddy! Look, look!”

“What is it?”

“I have a big penis!”

I really had no answer to that. Instead I started to chuckle. His older brother, heard and ran in to join us.

So N pointed it out to him. “Look, I have a big penis!”

C shook his head. “Noooo… You don’t have a big penis. I have a big penis.”

“No! I have a big penis!”

“No! I do!”

Finally, I managed to pull myself together. “Okay, okay, everyone. Let’s settle down.”

C wasn’t willing to let it go. “But I do! I do have a bigger penis!”

They both looked at me, but I was still out of ideas. I settled on changing the subject. “Let’s move on. Why don’t I finish the book?”

C shook his head. “Mine’s bigger. Look I’ll show you.”

He started taking his pants off.

“No!” I said, grabbing his hands to stop him. “Just leave your pants on. You’re 4 and he’s 2. You know that you’re bigger than he is, right?”

“But I want to see!”

“No. No showing other people your penis. Keep it in your pants.”

“But – “

“No!”

N smiled. “I have a big penis!”

“That’s enough. You, finish going potty. You, back to the trains.”

“I’m going to ask mommy!”

“Okay,” I said. “You do that.”

This whole thing happened about three weeks ago. Since I haven’t heard anything about it from J, I’m guessing he never did ask her. That’s probably a good thing.