This past weekend, we had the most amazingly bad luck at Red Lobster. To start with, while we were waiting N fell and bumped his head on the concrete sidewalk. He developed the largest goose egg that I’ve ever seen. I mean the thing stuck out from his forehead farther than his nose did. It was huge.

Thanks to some ice the restaurant provided – and some determined hugging by his momma – he calmed down for dinner.

Dinner was a little slow coming, which wasn’t a bad thing. C really loves their biscuits, and he was scarfing them down. Meanwhile, J was rattled by her youngest son’s fall, and was using the time to decompress while I had took care of the boys.

Shortly after the main course arrived, things took a turn for the worse. I noticed C had something of a glazed expression and asked him if he needed to go potty. He shook his head yes.

He never says yes to potty.

J grabbed him and ran to the bathroom. I stayed at the table, playing with N, and trying to eat some food. After 10 minutes (or so) went by a server came by and explained that my wife had asked her to come get the wipes from me.

That was a pretty big clue that C had had an accident, and I spent the next ten minutes (or so) playing with N and trying to figure out what I could do: bring clothes, get the check, etc. The problem was that with them in the woman’s bathroom my options were seriously limited.

So, I asked our waitress when she came by. “Excuse me, I realize this is a really big favor, but could you please see if my wife needs anything from me? She’s in the woman’s bathroom with our other son…” I gave her everyone’s names and explained the situation as best as I could.

I’ll grant you that that was a huge request, but the waitress said “sure, no problem.” and disappeared.

10 minutes (or so) later, J showed up with C. He was mostly undressed, and she explained that they were going to the car for clean clothes.  After a little while, I finally spotted our waitress again and waved her over.

Before I could say anything, she said “Oh, I spoke with your wife. Everything’s fine and she’ll be right out.”

“Actually,” I said, “they just stopped by and have left the restaurant. Could I please have to go boxes and the check as quickly as possible?”

She nodded knowingly and said ”I thought that’s what you’d want”, and hurried off.

Now, is that the world’s worst waitress or what? I understand that sending her into the woman’s room after my wife was beyond the call of duty, but come on! “she’s fine and will be right out”? What was that?

And I have no idea what her last comment meant.